I was experiencing one of the scariest nights of my life. We were fighting again. I felt a chill run down my spine. I was scared, so I found refuge in the bedroom and locked myself in. I pressed my body against the door and held tightly. Before I knew it, he punched a hole through the door – with so much force that I was cut and blood was dripping from my forehead. I looked down and I couldn’t believe my eyes…I had red marks on my pregnant belly.

Each time I was abused, I was robbed of any sense of who I was. I was completely ashamed and hid my truth from people I loved. Until one day, I hit rock bottom. I held my daughter’s hand as we walked into a Domestic Violence shelter for women and children. Years of abuse came crashing down, but I also felt a weight had lifted, which then gave birth to a new outlook. This was my chance build my strength back from a lifetime of abuse.

My exposure to Domestic Violence began at an early age. As a result of that, we were evicted from our home; and my mom, my siblings, and I were forced to live out of a Uhaul and a crammed two bedroom apartment with relatives.

My only outlet was sports. Although I was a popular athlete, I buried the secrets of my home life. I concealed my pain with a brave face as if everything was perfectly fine. The truth was, I was suffering immensely and even contemplated suicide. Ironically enough, after high school, I found myself in abusive relationship. I adopted that same disguise and wore it throughout the six and a half years of abuse that I endured. I created a pretend world to keep myself sane, But the truth was, I was broken; and I was losing myself more and more every day.

In the shelter, I learned the prerequisite for beginning again was forgiveness. I stripped myself of all the bullshit. His way of still controlling me, lied in the bitterness, resentment, and blame that was harboring inside. I finally let it go. I was NOT a victim. I SURVIVED. I took responsibility for my life and my daughters in that moment. It wasn’t our fault that we were in that position, but it was my duty to carry on. By taking my power back, completely changed the trajectory of our lives. Between the endless legal proceedings and his countless attempts to ruin my life, I discovered self love. I learned to accept my WHOLE self, imperfections and all. I no longer felt ashamed and unworthy. I was everything and more than what he said I could ever be without him. I had no choice…. I was bound and determined to be the mother that my daughter deserved and finally break the cycle of generations of Domestic Abuse.

They say that resilience means making a promise to yourself that you won’t give up. It takes courage to find the resolve within yourself in order to stand strong in the broken places. It’s all about mustering the willpower to ignite and nourish what already lies inside.

And I leave you with this. Be willing to love yourself through it all and teach your children to do the same.